I guess my tendency to withdraw was my reaction to always being the center of family attention ever since I was born. Everyone was excited over me because I was the first-born of parents who were both first-borns – the very first child and grandchild on either side of the family.
And the grownups were always trying to hold me hostage for a few hours, sometimes even for a few days, to my father’s disappointment. Of course, sometimes I’d revel in the attention, but relentless scrutiny can get tiresome. You lose some privacy and you feel some pressure to be always in your cutest and smartest behavior.
It’s a wonder nobody took a snapshot of the very first time I took my first dump in a regular water closet. Or maybe someone did, but just forgot to have the photograph framed.
Anyway, in those days, I thought I merely shy, and to some extent, I’ve always been shy, but most of the time I was shy when it suited my inclination to be left alone to my own devices. When I decided to get into journalism, by way of architectural school, I knew I’d have to curb that shyness because I’d have to talk to a lot of people I might not even like.
Ironically, that’s one field where, in the name of objectivity, you try as much as possible to conduct yourself like a mere bystander – though, ideally not a very innocent one. So that’s how I got from being an amateur to a professional bystander.
@ ATM
